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Ode to John Edward’s Hair

Tasha Tells All

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Ode to John Edward’s Hair

January 25th, 2008 · 65 Comments

Oh, John Edward’s hair, you are so thick and lucious.  I wish I could run my fingers through you. 

You are hair of the people. When I think of your blue collar upbringing and spectacular rise to $500 coif I am proud to be an American.  It could not have been easy growing up as you did.  I’m sure you couldn’t always afford conditioner and product.  But you persevered and now you are a testament to what hard work and a $500 haircut will get you.

 As for what lies beneath your tenacious do…well, he really takes away from your natural beauty. His abrasiveness causes people to pay more attention to what is coming out of his mouth than to your stunning allure.

 Oh, John Edward’s hair, ask your head to drop out of the presidential race so that I might enjoy you in peace, without the constant pull of the campaign trail and worry about pesky grays.  (You know if he wins you will turn gray in a matter of months.)

If you will not drop out for me then do it for America. The country deserves to have a head of hair like you to aspire to. Think of the children, John Edward’s hair. Think of the children.

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