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Ripped from the Headlines

Tasha Tells All

I don

Tasha Tells All header image 2

Ripped from the Headlines

May 7th, 2008 · 51 Comments

 “…Dirt Cheap” the headline of the Fresno Bee proudly stated, Saturday, May 03, 2008.  Upon seeing the headline I thought, “Hmmmmm, is dirt really cheap?  I mean sure, its everywhere up here in the greater Fresno area—literal buckets of it are covering my car—but that doesn’t not mean it’s cheap.  I think it’s high time I explore this issue further.”  Seriously, that’s exactly what I thought.

 Surprise! Local dirt really is cheap.  If you play your cards right, it’s free.  But that’s just local dirt.  If you want to import finer dirt it will cost you slightly.

 Here are a few of the finer dirt options for those of you who are interested.

 Local Dirt

Local dirt is okay but you’ve been around it your whole life and you really want a change.

 South American Dirt

It’s slightly harder to get across the border but it’s really grateful once its here.

 Canadian Dirt

Canadian dirt is just like American dirt but it says “Ay” after every sentence and enjoyed free health care in Canada.  It will not let you forget that.

 French Dirt

French dirt is very snooty and doesn’t really do much.

 German Dirt

Make sure you have a fence around your yard. German dirt will spread into your neighbors’ yards, killing all the plants and replacing them with concrete statues.

 Asian Dirt

Asian dirt will work really hard and make everything cheaper, faster, and better than any other kind of dirt.  Be careful though, Chinese dirt does tend to have high levels of lead in it.

 Australian Dirt

Australian dirt hates being compared to Texan dirt.

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