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Caryn Genette is One Classy Dame

Tasha Tells All

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Caryn Genette is One Classy Dame

May 19th, 2006 · 39 Comments

            Thus far in my life I have suffered only a minimal amount of pain and anguish.  My life has been a tale of fairy princesses and star dust punctuated by sheer and unending bliss.  That all came to an end yesterday in one of the worst events that has ever occurred in my time on this earth.  There is only one thing that could have been so cataclysmic.  I know you’re all thinking it.  Faithful readers its true, yesterday I ran out of gas. 

            My day had been pleasant enough. I had been given the morning off by the most generous and gracious boss I will ever have the privilege of working for.  (No, I do not work for myself.)  I had the opportunity to sleep in, enjoy a pot of coffee and generally laze about all morning.  It was a thing of beauty to behold indeed. 

            When I finally did arrive at work I was afforded the opportunity to be the creative genius I know I am.  Once the bathroom was painted I only had a minimal amount of work to finish before leaving for home again.  It was then that my day took a turn for the worst. 

            Driving down a busy thoroughfare my car came to rest at a stop light which had unceremoniously turned red before me.  Whilst resting at that cursed light my car sputtered and died.  I knew what was wrong immediately.  My plan to stick it to the big oil corporations by never again buying gas had failed miserably. Apparently my car was not built to run on moon sprinkles and starlight.  I’d been thwarted by the corporations again. 

            I had no choice but to push my car to the side of the road but it was not a task easily done alone.  I tried desperately but I was unable to move that hunk of German metal.  There was a flash of brilliant white as I flashed my leg, which hasnt seen the light of day since…well, since the last time I had car trouble.  Once their eyes adjusted to the brilliance of my legs, the passersby were awed by their beauty.  Not surprisingly two men stopped to help me push my car to the side of that busy thoroughfare. 

            Once my car and I were safely deposited on the side of the road those men took their leave and I called the only person I could count on to get me through this catastrophe.  That Caryn Genette is one classy dame.  She came as soon as she heard my desperate plea for help, bringing our faithful friend Fatty.  Together they whisked me away in search of gasoline and a gas can. 

            The tale does not end there, how I wish it did.  Once we found our treasures, a gas can and gasoline to fill it with, there was more trouble.  The man in the gas station refused to sell me a gas can.  He said he would loan me one if I had a $15 security deposit.  I did not.  I had to give him Fatty. 

            Thankfully, the gasoline did the trick and I was quickly on the road again but not without the guilt of knowing I had left someone behind on the battle field.  Fatty, your sacrifice will not be for naught.  I will find a way to stick it to the big oil corporations for you and for all the brave men and women who have fallen in an effort to bring America clean, affordable gas.

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