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Tasha Tells All — I don

Tasha Tells All

I don

Tasha Tells All header image 1

Douchebag of the Month; May & June 2008

June 17th, 2008 · 38 Comments

By popular demand.

The Douchebag of the Month for May is (drum roll) George Lucas. Go see Indiana Jones and you’ll know why. Come up with a new obsession, George! And get some new ideas. You can’t keep doing this to us.

The Douchebag of the Month for June is M. Night Shyamalan. Go see The Happening and you’ll know why. It’s more like “The Crappening”.

I hope you’re happy Meghan.

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Saddest Father’s Day Story Ever?

June 16th, 2008 · 47 Comments

If I was a dude I would say I don’t celebrate Father’s Day for this reason:

I used to be a father, but then I went on the Maury Povich show and he told me I am not the father.  I’m still on the hook for child support.

Also if I was a dude my name would be Lincoln Washington Depp America Frothingham III.

Happy Father’s Day?

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Subliminal Message of the Day

June 15th, 2008 · 51 Comments

tashatellsall.com

Way cooler

than

your mom’s blog.

Send money. 

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Scale of Seriousness

June 15th, 2008 · 53 Comments

In light of some recent hypochondriac activity I have devised a Scale of Seriousness which I will use from now on. If you are a known hypochondriac (you know who you are) any complaints will immediately be downgraded at least two levels.

The scale is as follows:

1. Any kind of stuffiness, for instance a stuffy nose or constipation.

2. A mild cold.

3. The flu.

4. Infection of any kind. This could be a sinus infection or something of a social nature…you know what I mean.

5. An unexpected doctor’s visit was warranted.

6. A hospital visit is necessary.

7. The person must stay at the hospital.

8. The person is in critical condition at hospital.

9. Tasha, you need to come to the hospital and say goodbye.

10. A sick person dropped dead before your eyes and the last thing they ever did was make poopies.

Now everyone has been apprised of the scale. Do not go complaining about it if you get downgraded. That’s the price you pay for being a hypochondriac all the time, like you do.

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Tasha’s Most Embarrassing

June 15th, 2008 · 65 Comments

I was in Chicago this week and I did the most embarrassing thing I’ve done in quite a while.

It was Thursday night and I was quite tired and quite ready for bed. It just so happened that the rest of the party wanted to see a movie.  So, I decided it would be better to see a movie than to see the inside of my eye lids.  But being so tired, however I knew it might be in the realm of possibility for me to fall asleep in the movie and begin to snore or drool or both.  That was something I did not want.  You see, I was not at all interested in being made fun of for the rest of the trip.  My traveling companions  are not at all above that.

In order to avoid the pain and embarrassment of falling asleep at the movie house I decided to load up on caffeine.  Immediately after deciding this I set about looking for a Starbucks, which, in  a major city, is not at all hard.

So of course we, all four of us, went in.  How could we pass up Starbucks?

When we had all picked up our various drinks and or pastries we headed out in the direction of the movie house.  But before we got to the door I decided to turn around and say goodbye to the girls behind the counter.  Well, apparently I misjudged the distance between me and the door for by the time I had turned to say, “Goodbye girls” and then turned back around I walked right into the glass door spilling my coffee down it in the process.  It was pretty embarrassing.

At least I had called attention to myself right before I did it…:)

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Dear Oprah

June 11th, 2008 · 57 Comments

Dear Oprah,

I’m in town this week and I have a few ideas for how to get a little cultier.  You know, really take your cult to the next level.

Here’s just an example of what I’m thinking:  You could do an animal sacrifice on the show and call it, ready?  Ok, call it “Oprah’s Big Kill”.

I have tons more ideas.  Call me.

Love,

Tasha

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Subliminal Message of the Day

June 9th, 2008 · 68 Comments

Read my blog.
Send money.

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People Groups I Don’t Like Very Much

June 9th, 2008 · 40 Comments

I’ve realized as of late that there are groups of people I just don’t like very much for whatever reason. Here’s my list in no particular order:

*Opinion Givers: people who just give their opinions whether you asked for it or not. Am I holding a focus group? No, I am not but that will not deter the Opinion Givers.

*Mustachioed People:  Whether you are a man or a woman a mustache isn’t always the way to go.  It’s more like a molestache.  You know?

*Newly Married People: “Oh, we’re newly weds. We just stare into each others eyes all day and night…blah blah blah.” LAME.

*Weight Commenters: I know! I put a few pounds on at the end of the semester. It happens. You try eating right in the cafeteria and stressing out over final projects and final exams. And it’s not like you’re in such great shape.

*Dieters:  Everyone knows one.  I can’t come have fun with you and eat pie because I’m on a diet.  I think these people only diet to make me feel worse about myself.  They are really uncool.

*Never Dieters:  They don’t have to diet.  They can eat whatever they want and never gain  weight.  Sigh.

*Ugly People: I mean physically ugly people…obviously.

→ 40 CommentsTags: Uncategorized

Prince Caspian

May 20th, 2008 · 58 Comments

I saw Prince Caspian on Friday and I must say, he is way hot.  Aside from that, I realized that the people who make the “Chronicles of Narnia” movie series hate bears.

Okay, in the first movie they had polar bears working with the ice witch.  Hello! Everybody knows polar bears are fun loving.  They hang out and drink Coke together.  They would never join forces with the evil witch.

In this film, a bear tries to eat one of the characters.  AND, when a bear isn’t trying to eat someone it’s talking in its big dumb bear voice.

Clearly the movie studios that brought us these fine flicks has an anti-bear agenda.

Not cool. Not cool at all.

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Saddest Mother’s Day Story Ever

May 11th, 2008 · 50 Comments

I would celebrate Mother’s Day but I’m not a mother…anymore.

You see, about four years ago, I was driving with my baby in the backseat. There was a blizzard on the way and I was trying to beat it to my house. Unfortunately, I lost. The blizzard overtook my car. We were stuck there on the road in 18 feet of snow. There I was staring death in the face. I knew I was going to starve to death there on that deserted road. I was forced to make the most terrible decision of my life. I had to eat my baby. She’s up with Jesus now…whatever is left of her. (If they let partials in to heaven, that is.)

So that’s why I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day.

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